Joke cancer horoscope

However, your knee-jerk reactions and hair trigger tempers cause the same amount of destruction. So what works about this match? It's packed with passion and romance, something you both adore. Cancer and Leo are heart-driven signs, and emotional highs are your breath of life. For all the crashes, meltdowns and train wrecks this causes, you remain fiercely, enigmatically loyal. Self-awareness is crucial to this relationship's survival. You both need to take responsibility for the drama you're capable of stirring up. In the best cases, you'll meet after you've learned to temper your emotions, or even better, logged a few dedicated years of therapy.

This is a couple that can outlast the ages, since you're fast friends and seamless companions. Virgo is the zodiac's helper and Cancer is its nurturer. Your emotional connection is instant, and you're thrilled to meet a kindred soul who knows how to give, not just take. It's a refreshing break from the usual energy vampires you both attract! Your relationship is sweet and storybook-innocent: lots of handholding, sentimental cards, and anniversary baubles.

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Yet, you're practical, too, stowing away college funds for your yet-to-be-born children, earning advanced degrees, taking out a mortgage. Security is something you both cherish. In a way, you're like parents and partners to one another: you both express love by nagging, fussing and feeding. And it works. A pair of self-professed nerds, you love to cook, decorate, read novels and learn. No matter how much money you earn, you both remain thrifty, too.

Scoring a high-end treasure at a tag sale or an eBay auction is orgasmic. Your signs are both family oriented, and you make sweet but strict parents who live for your children. Generally, you're close to your own relatives, and you enjoy spending time at family events or hosting holiday gatherings.

Cancer traits - Personality characteristics of cancer star sign

Keeping the sexy charge alive will take a little effort, though, since you both love to stay home rather than dress up or hit the town. Push yourselves to leave the nest, and socialize with other couples more often. You're a sweet, romantic couple, but not always a perfect match. On the upside, Cancer is ruled by the caring Moon and Libra by romantic Venus, casting a tender glow on this love affair. With your flair for color, style and objets d'art, you could open an interior design business your home may in fact resemble an Architectural Digest spread.

Now, the challenge: Cancer is a deeply emotional Water sign whose moods fluctuate like the tides. Libra is a social Air sign who prefers to happy-dance through the daisies. Between the Crab's fatalism and Libra's denial, nobody has a strong grip on reality. Better keep a few grounded Earth sign friends on speed dial when you lose perspective. Failing that, you'll need to adapt to each other's opposing natures. Like a stone skipping across the water's surface, Libra averts the plunging depths of Cancer's inconsolable undertows and cloying neediness.

Yet, avoidance is futile, since it only upsets the Crab to be ignored. Libra should learn that a hug, flowers and an apology however undeserved pave the quickest path to peace. Not that Libra doesn't have his own powerful undercurrent: when those scales tips out of balance, he can escalate a minor breakdown into a Code Orange catastrophe. Admit it: you're both big babies at times. For long-term success, find activities you both enjoy: travel, language classes, dancing, dinner parties.

You're gracious hosts and culturally literate people with lots to talk about. Get out and savor life together. You're an ideal match, twin Water signs with deeply complementary natures. Highly suspicious and protective of your privacy, neither of you trusts easily. As a result, you intuitively trust each other. The good news is, you've bet on a winning sea-horse.

These two signs can mate for life, and the emotional facets of your relationship deepen into an intimacy few couples reach. Romantic and sentimental occasions never go uncelebrated: birthdays, Valentine's Day, the five-month anniversary of the first time you said "I love you. You feel safe enough together to try anything. The challenge will be breaking the ice, since you both tend to clam up in a red-faced fluster or any icy aloofness around a new love interest.

It helps to talk about music, books, films—anything but your feelings. Once you get past the awkward phase, it's smooth sailing. You genuinely enjoy each other's company, and like to do almost everything together. As parents, you're incredibly nurturing and hands-on, and may struggle to cut the cord when your kids reach adolescence. In fact, control is the big challenge for your signs. Jealous and possessive, you know how to avoid your mate's hot buttons—or to push them when you're feeling spiteful. The Crab pinches and the Scorpion stings; both can wound the relationship fatally.

At times, Cancer's sulking seems childish to Scorpio, and Scorpio's sharp edges can maim the Crab's tender feelings. Fortunately, you know how to win your way back into each other's good graces once the moody spells pass. You're cut from entirely different cloths and patterns.


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Sagittarius is neon polka-dot on stretch Lycra; Cancer is Burberry plaid on Swiss wool. You'll never be a match that makes sense to observers—which is why Cancer Tom Cruise and Sagittarius Katie Holmes are such a tabloid target.

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Is it true love, a train wreck, or a little bit of both? Let's examine. Domestic Cancer rules home, heart and family, and holds his loved ones in his vest pocket. Sagittarius is the restless world traveler who craves freedom and adventure. Sag can either feel smothered or totally nurtured by Cancer. The Crab loves to provide every security for his sweetie, and it's a relief to the Archer to come home to a hot meal, a drawn bath, an adoringly attentive partner. The trouble starts when Sagittarius stops coming home. Sagittarius needs sunlight, air and wide open spaces.

Cancer keeps the shades drawn and burrows into his metaphorical Crab shell. When Sagittarius neglects Cancer's need for togetherness, starts hanging out with a rowdy crew of rebels, or traipses the globe alone, Cancer's insecurities are rankled. You have fierce tempers, and the combustion of Cancer's moodiness and Sag's anger can be downright destructive. See also: History of astrology. Cultural and historical depictions of Cancer. Allen, Richard Hinckley Star-names and Their Meanings.

How The Zodiac Signs Wake Up

Andrews, Tamra Oxford University Press. Astronomical Applications Department Multiyear Computer Interactive Almanac. Atsma, Aaron J. Theoi Project. Retrieved December 29, Battistini, Matilde Paul Getty Museum. Stung Limited. Retrieved May 19, Retrieved November 11, Windows to the Universe. Charak, K. Systems Vision. Chwalkowski, Farrin Yeah, things suck, but at least he can still make a joke about it all, right? Scorpio is most on top of his game when things are going horribly wrong for him.

Scorpio is also very sarcastic, which plays into his love of dry humor. He's the kind of person whose sarcasm is actually funny and not just over-played or boring. When you're around him, you won't be able to stop yourself from rolling your eyes and laughing right along with him. Virgo finds humor in poking fun of others. I mean, he has his whole life together, so he certainly can't make fun of himself, can he? Even though his wit and jokes aren't meant to hurt your feelings, he isn't going to deny that other people make him laugh.


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Virgo is also no stranger to complaining — complaining about work, his busy schedule, his messy apartment — but he tries to keep things light, too. He knows that complaining TOO much can make him seem overbearing, so he uses dry humor to prove that he's not serious. Cancer tends to be a bit guarded when it comes to making jokes. He isn't the kind of zodiac sign to get a whole room crying with laughter, but he will try to make his friends laugh if he knows it will cheer them up.

If Cancer makes any jokes, it'll all be in his face: a silly look, a funny facial expression, a shrug of the shoulders. This doesn't happen often though, but when it does, it's often so subtle that only the people who know him best can tell he's joking. Pisces would love to be a funny, witty, or even humorous person, but alas, he's just not.

He either gets too caught up in the story leading up to the punchline or tries way too hard to be funny that he can't make it work. Pisces is also one of the most sensitive zodiac signs, which means that he can't stand when others poke fun at him. And when he tries to poke fun at himself, it ends up sounding like a cry for help, so he sticks to other strengths and leaves "funny" out of it.

Capricorn has a very sharp wit, which can be incredibly intimidating at times. He's not laugh out loud funny, or even silly, like the other zodiac signs, but his wit can make you laugh when you least expect it. Capricorn doesn't try to be funny. If he makes you laugh, more often than not, it was unintentional. He's a pro at sarcasm and dark humor, so it might surprise you both when something he says is enough to make you crack up.

Emily Ratay is a full-time writer living in Pittsburgh. She's passionate about the environment and feminism, and knows that anything is possible in the right pair of shoes. She plans on writing a non-fiction book in the future. Follow Us. Sign in. Witty Vs. Photo: unsplash. Emily Ratay.


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